Has there ever been a truer advertising slogan than this effort from those absolute gits at Sky? Whilst I hate the company with a pretty unrivalled passion, I have to give credit to whichever massively tie knotted man-boy came up with this gem! I had a rare punt on the Carling Cup this week on Arsenal to win both halves against Wigan at a shade under 2.5 and it's almost making me forget the fact I'm pretty full of cold.I'm going to divulge an extra tip for all of you followers this week...Arsenal will win the Premier League this year. Odds of 5.5 are around if you look hard enough and I think it's great value, Chelsea's back-up is monumentally gash, and don't be fooled by United's win last week. Not every manager is as eager to take Ferguson in his mouth as Big Fat Sam and they'll drop points yet. My musical recommendation this week is Division of Laura Lee - Trapped In, a wonderful tune!
Arsenal v Fulham, Saturday 1500
With no early kick-off this week it's straight on to the 3 o'clock matches, and first up is The Gooners. Having just tipped them for the league I can't see anything except a resounding victory against Sparky Hughes utter shower. The 4-1 drubbing they took at home to Man City the other week has been a long time coming, and Arsenal are better in attack than the Blue Mooners. I have absolutely no sympathy for Hughes sacking at City, he spent fortunes on defenders and, to a man, they're dogshit. I never liked his Blackburn side either, a dirtier bunch of gits you'd be hard pushed to find. He's had some previous with Arsenal too so hopefully Wenger can motivate his boys by reminding them of this before sending them out. I'm confident they win this at a canter so I'm looking to the handicap market.Paddy Power go 2.1 on Arsenal with a -1.75 asian hcap and I'll smash into that.
Birmingham v Tottenham, Saturday 1500
We now have the match involving Arsenal's less illustrious neighbours Tottingham. Their lack of any tactics makes them entertaining to watch, but can make it very hard to bet on their matches! Normally you're guaranteed goals, but Brum are possibly the most obdurate outfit in the league. In English, they're good at the back! With Van De Vaart also missing for Tottenham after he pulled a muscle kicking a ball (the gay), they might just struggle to break Brum down. Expect punts in the direction of Crouch after 60 minutes if they are not ahead. Because Sloppy Chops men are involved I'm reluctant to back unders, as he could easily 'pull a masterstroke' and attack at some point! Shock, horror! The man's a droopy faced genius the papers will cry, he attacks when his team aren't winning! What I will say is in the absence of Kaboul Spurs are not the tallest in defence. Nicola Zigic is a terrible footballer, but I fancy his ridiculously long body to cause problems. Back him to score with 3.75 available with a number of bookies.
Blackburn v Wolves, Saturday 1500
Wolves hurt me with a last minute winner last week so for once I wont be absolutely vehement in my hatred of the Fat One at Rovers. Who am I kidding? The Fat Twat bent over and took everything Ferguson had last week in a match I'd like to see investigated for him not fielding a proper team and even having the cheek to put non-footballer Chimbonda in the side. What a bastard. Wolves have provoked my betting ire, but I do like professional Yorkshireman Mick McCarthy. He's a man who takes no shit and never uses any more words than are strictly necessary. I fancy a bore draw in this, with the temperatures up north probably not helping. Victor Chandler go 3.75 on that outcome and I'll have a bit on that.
Chelsea v Everton, Saturday 1500
I think Chelsea will come good again soon, but I think prices of between 1.3 and 1.4 on Chelsea are too short on current form. They've looked anything but impressive in the absence of a central midfielder that can play a bit of football. John Obi Mikel, jesus wept the man's shit. Pure un-adulterated shit. Everton aren't impressing either having contrived to lose to an off-form WBA last weekend. This is making punting pretty difficult and I wouldn't recommend putting the xmas presents on this! I think both teams will be happier to keep it tight early on and this might lead to a less than entertaining low scorer. Prices of 2.1 are available on under 2.5 goals with a variety of bookies, I'd get on that if anything.
Manchester City v Bolton, Saturday 1500
Having piled the pressure on Bobby Mancini the press must be seething that City are now playing some attractive stuff and scoring goals. Every good team is built on strong foundations, and that's where he started at City. With Kolarov and Balotelli now available you a see some more attacking intent, matched with their formidable backline. Bolton have made me a happy gambler this year with them often winning at odds against and I've been happily backing them most of the season. That will change here. They looked slightly off-colour last match and City are looking super-duper at present. I think they could rattle up another decent score and I'll be handicapping them. I'll take City -1.0 on the asian hcap with 2.0 widely available.
Wigan v Stoke, Saturday 1500
Heavens above this could be a poor game! Wigan are absolute toilet, unable to score and shit at the back. Definitely a combination that will take them down this year. Stoke are just a dreadful side to watch at this level. There's something fun about watching balls launched into the box from all angles, but I wouldn't pay Premier League prices to watch it. I think these smash and grab tactics can do the travelling fans proud. I'm not writing any more though as these 2 don't deserve it. Stoke at 2.8 with Laddies, that's all you're getting.
Blackpool v Man Utd, Saturday 1730
The late kick-off sees the Seasider's taking on the might of United at Bloomfield Road. Because the place is such a dump there is already talk the match will be postponed, but I'll tell you what I think. I think United had that 4-0 beating midweek coming. I've never had a problem with them as they've been good to watch and I'll forgive their prat of a manager and some horrible players because of that. There will not be a repeat of last weeks scoreline as I'm pretty sure Holloway isn't as keen to bear Sir Wrigley's children as the Lamb Shank lookalike. I'm struggling for a bet though! The man with a penchant for dog for dinner came up trumps for me last week and he'll be likely to play again I'd imagine. Stan James go 4.0 on that outcome and that seems very reasonable.
West Brom v Newcastle, Sunday 1330
The lunchtime match comes form The Hawthorns on Sunday with the unpredictable Geordie's the visitors. Having been subjected to one of those Newcastle fans who seriously believes they're a 'massive' club I'd rapidly gone off them. The unassuming style of Chris Hughton and nutty centre half Colloccini have brought me back onside though. However comma this should never really affect my betting. West Brom came up with an away win at Everton last weekend to end a shit streak they'd been on of late.
Di Matteo should hopefully be telling them that a repeat of that performance will be enough, and it might well be. But, I very rarely bet on match prices with Newcastle and I wont be here. I fancy a cracking end to end game resplendent with goals here. Get on over 2.5 of the sods at 1.91 with Billy Hill's.
Sunderland v West Ham, Sunday 1600
The Mackems will fancy beating a piss-poor Hammers outfit on Sunday, even after their resounding win over Utd in the Shit Beer Cup. It should be remembered that Utd had Jonny Evans playing, and he is shit. If he's a future United centre back then I'm a fish!? Well, unless United are settling for mid-table in the future. Talking of Utd reserves, the lad Welbeck has been in excellent form for Sunderland lately. His goalscoring exploits have even overshadowed Bent and Gyan. No mean feat. The Hammers look a different side when 'Scotty' Parker plays, but he's carrying a knock and is struggling apparently. This all points to a Sunderland victory for me, especially factoring the cold north and the Hammers foreign mercenaries. Laddies still go 1.9 so snap it up whilst it lasts!
Liverpool v Aston Villa, Monday 2000
It's the return of Ged Houllier to Anfield on Monday night with his functional Villa side. Pool drew in Bucharest last night, but had a team of ne'erdowells out and we can't read much into that. Torres is your man at Anfield and he alone should be enough to trouble a suprisingly creaky Dunne and Collins of Villa. They were amongst the most reliable pairings in the league last year, but have been pretty leaky of late. Raul Meireiles is also showing some of his World Cup form in the absence of Stevie Me and that's good news for Pool fans since he's been crocked more often in recent season's. I'd back Torres first goal, but I only do that infrequently. I'd rather have the security of anytime scorer at 2.1 with Stan James.
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