The Premier League reconvenes...

Here we are then. The FA Cup and Carling Cup out of the way and staring down the barrel of a return to matters in the Premier League. Having seen Arsenal struggling to dispatch Championship sides Leeds and Ipswich, I am left wondering whether we truly are watching the 'bestest League anyone's ever seen...ever' over here? Or is it, as I suspect, a massive crock o' horseshit? Having also tuned on to some Copa Del Rey action from Spain and seen Barcelona and Real Madrid in action, I can confirm they would both walk away with the Prem this season. I can't think of more than 2 or 3 players given the choice of the entire Premier Leagues players that either side would want. I have also seen the tired argument that La Liga is another SPL and that the sides who are not Real or Barca are simply crap. This too is crap. Villarreal would give any side in the Prem a match, and would beat the vast majority at home. Valencia are still a class side, even having had to sell most of their best players. And even Atletico Madrid, La Liga's very own Man City in terms of madness, have players like Kun Aguero and Diego Forlan that most teams over here would chew their arms off for. Rant over this weeks musical recommendation again comes from Scandinavia. I am picking out Turbonegro and the foot tapper Gimme Some.

Chelsea v Blackburn, Saturday 1500
No early kick-offs on Saturday this week so, alphabetically-speaking, first up is Chelsea hosting Blackburn. Chelsea saw off Ipswich 7-0 in the FA Cup last Sunday and will be hoping this is a sign of a return to their all-conquering early season form. They have drifted as far as 9-1 for the title now on a back of a horrendous run, which sees them with 1 win since November 10th in the league. It has also been revealed that Frank Lampard will never fully recover from the hamstring strain that has been haunting him all season. Whilst I think he's a glorified second striker and not a midfielder at all, this will hurt Chelsea. It's also another reminder of the age this side is creeping towards. Injuries will carry on for longer and linger as the team's average age rises. Blackburn this week failed in their audacious attempts to bring the Brazilian Bucky O'Hare to the grim north. My parents like the north and can find something nice to say about nearly everywhere they've ever visited. However comma they described Blackburn variously as soulless, dark, sad and dreary. Needless to say they were not involved in the Samba star's negotiations. Having instead chosen to go back to Brazil (who'd have thought!?), Rovers will have to rely on what they've got. In this run of form I can't back Chelsea. Coral have a frankly ludicrous 4.33 on Blackburn and the Draw in the Double Chance market and I'll be on that.

Man City v Wolves, Saturday 1500
This match could give us a first glimpse of new Citeh signing Edin Dzeko (Jekko for you pedants of pronunciation) in action. I am of the opinion that he's another excellent signing by Mancini and exactly the sort of player that is both needed for the team and atmosphere. He's young enough to be ambitious and he's a big man who can play as a focal point of a forward line. This will free up Carlos Tevez to roam from a wing or central role and should see him flourish even more. This is also another game where Citeh need to prove they can break down a team who sets up not to concede as their priority. This being said, at Eastlands Citeh have been very impressive so far. Wolves were involved in what my Gran might call 'a right humdinger' against Championship Doncaster, finishing up in a 2-2 draw. Mick McCarthy always prioritises the league though, so there were players rested. As impressed as I have been with the men from the Black Country of late, I can only see a convincing Citeh win in this. Odds of 2.05 are widely available on the home team -1.5 and I'm happy enough with that.

Stoke v Bolton, Saturday 1500
Two teams that look destined to be around mid-table, with a possible push for Europe occasionally for the next few seasons. Bolton have been as high as 4th so far, but have been pegged back a bit since then, with clean sheets about as rare as they are in a Czech brothel. Stoke are a formidable team. They don't get bogged down in the task of actually passing the ball between 5 players when a fucking good hoof to Kenwyne Jones will do perfectly well. To say they aren't easy on the eye is an understatement to rival calling Javier Mascherano a bit shit. He's the worst player I've ever seen, and his complete lack of ability is seeing him getting splinters on the Barcelona bench. This seems a hard one to call, and I'm going to hedge my bets a bit. William Hill are a standout 1.95 for both teams to score, and Bolton's forwards and dodgy backline encourage me there.

West Brom v Blackpool, Saturday 1500
Two of the promoted sides this year meet and with Blackpool currently threatening to become a top half side! West Brom caught the eye early in the season with results like the win at the Emirates particularly impressive. They are currently in a rotten run with no wins in 6 matches now though and goals proving hard to come by. Blackpool went behind to Liverpool on Wednesday, but still came back to win 2-1. I'll get into Liverpool in more depth in their write up, but suffice to say, King Kenny has not turned things round and looks as clueless as Woy currently. Most forms have WBA as odds-on in this and I think that gives punters the opportunity to clean up. Most of Blackpool's best results have been on their travels and I'll be backing another such result in this. Best price on the away win is 4.6 with Victor Chandler and I'd make that a must-back this weekend.

Wigan v Fulham, Saturday 1500
This match has little to offer the neutral. Both teams have struggled for wins this term and will regard this as a must-not-lose rather than a must-win. Fulham's problems on the road are well known now and against a Wigan team that doesn't concede many in front of their 7 fans they'll struggle. Wigan are utter dross too though and it would be with no confidence at all I'd back them on match prices. With Hugo Rodallega and Charles Insomnia in the side they do have some class, but scoring has been a problem. Fulham are still without Bobby Zamora and Moussa Dembele still looks rusty so I think Wigan could keep them at bay. Skybet go 2.87 on a Wigan clean sheet and that's the one for me here.

West Ham v Arsenal, Saturday 1730
The late kick-off sees Avram Grant again looking likely to lose his job if he loses another match. The poor sod should really just quit and tell the David's and Brady what a truly useless bunch of owners they are. Whilst the Hammers poor start is still hampering them, they have been looking a lot better in the last month and are above Chelsea in 9th in the current form table. I am aware he is seen as some sort of chancer who just gets jobs from his mates, but a look at Grant's CV will reveal that, whilst not one of the greats, he's no fool. Arsenal travel on the back of failing to beat 2 Championship sides in the cups in the last week. Particular scorn should be reserved for Andrey Arshavin, in my opinion, as he looks completely disinterested this season. When he decides to make some effort he undoubtebly possesses an ability to open a defence, but he looks like he needs a move to give him a kick up the arse. Wenger is not renowned as a motivator and it seems he is not the man to raise Arshavin out of his current malaise. It's not just the meerkat alike that is struggling though, Nicklas Bendtner was horrible in both matches. I'm not so sure he's as bad as a lot of people would have you believe, but he isn't as good as he himself believes either. RVP should be back for this and that should see a more clinical edge returning. I think this could be one of those matches where Arsenal hit their stride so I'll handicap them by a goal on the asian handicap at a widely available 2.0.

Birmingham v Aston Villa, Sunday 1200
To kick-off a jam-packed, derby-filled Sunday it's the second city derby with Villa making the short trip to St Andrews. Both teams have not been firing recently and are struggling for goals. Matt Derbyshire has always looked a good player not getting a run to me, and that seems set to continue at the Blues. He scored 2 goals in their away win at Millwall in the FA Cup, before returning to the bench for their 2-1 Shit Beer Cup at West Ham. I think he could be an answer to their chronic lack of goals, but Big Eck seems reluctant to start him as the Fat One did at Blackburn. The horrible Fat Man. Villa have been absolutely useless under Ged Houllier for the most part. They have had players retuning from injury now and this has seen a 3-3 draw at Stamford Bridge followed by a 3-1 away win at Scunny in the FA Cup. The fans will hope this marks a return to the form they showed when playing hoofball under Martin O'Neill. I think they'll be lucky to win this though. Brum fans are putting pressure on McCleish to start with more than just the dreadful Zigic up front and I think he'll start this derby by attacking Villa's porous backline. Ladbrokes are 2.5 on a home win and that's good enough for me.

Sunderland v Newcastle, Sunday 1200
The second of the day's 3 derbies sees Sunderland seeking revenge on Newcastle at the Stadium Of Light. The undoubted highlight of the Geordie's season so far was the 5-1 mauling they gave their neighbours at St James Park and will live long in the memory of those who saw it. Steve Bruce has been given plenty of money at Sunderland and it is beginning to finally look like it has been well spent with their home form being superb in the main. If they could replicate some of their home performances on the road they'd be certainties for Europa League. Lee Cattermole seems to have curbed his early season bout of dickheadery which led to 2 red cards in quick succession. Asamoah Gyan has looked a good buy and Danny Welbeck has also looked an inspired loan signing. They actually look a much better side on paper than Liverpool, and who'd have thought that 2 years ago? Newcastle are capable of upsetting the odds, as they've proved a few times already, but they need Andy Carroll playing well generally to do so. He is still nursing a thigh strain after reportedly falling off his stool after 3 or 4 too many Jagerbombs on a night out. What. A. Man. Dirty shit that stuff, but we need more characters in the sport I think. This has seen him out of action for a while and he will at best be a bit rusty for this match. A few firms are still out at 2.2 on a home win and I'd take that before it settles around 2.1 on match day.

Liverpool v Everton, Sunday 1405
And so we finally arrive at this, King Kenny's return to derby action on Merseyside. Having been variously hailed as some sort of Messiah by certain parts of the Pool support, he has so far got a record of played 2, lost 2. Had Woy Hodgson lost to Blackpool after leading, and playing shit right back with no left foot Glen Johnson at left back, he would have come in for a roasting. So far this seems to have been glossed over by the 'best fans in the world'TM, in all the fawning over how good Pool were 20 years ago when he was last in charge. The fact they have steadily declined and barring Torres and Gerrard the current side would barely make that teams reserve side, is also a seldom heard thought on the red half of the divide. Everton are barely doing better. They seem to be having one of their season's of struggle and it has coincided with a complete loss of form from all their strikers. They desperately need some attacking impetus in this window or the season is in danger of becoming a complete write off. The motivation for both sides in this will be huge, and their will be the lesser spotted Anfield roar present. I think this might lead to some 'over-enthusiastic' challenges as players try to prove what 'men' they are. A sending off is priced up at 2.95 with Betfair and I think it's worth a tickle in a game that could go either way.

Tottenham v Man Utd, Sunday 1610
The last match of the weekend sees the still underwhelming United travelling to Shite Fart Lane to take on Twitchy Chops men. Spurs have struggled against the top 4 in recent years and need to improve that record if they are serious about breaking regularly into the Champions League and making a league challenge. They will rarely get a better chance to beat United. Away from home they have been particularly poor, and it is a damning indictment on the league that they are somehow still unbeaten. I suspect that the 'new Messi' as Bale seems to have been dubbed by Sky Sports, will struggle against the young and quick Rafael for United. They will be more likely to have success playing through the excellent Luka Modric and Rafa Van Der Vaart in the middle. Carrick and Fletcher in particular have looked like a pair of sluggish cloggers this term and if Spuds men perform they could be over-run. I would expect Rooney to return to the team, but possibly given a more withdrawn role to help the midfield. I personally think his new contract will go down as one of the biggest mistakes in football when Hernandez takes his starting role next season, but that's for another time. I will be all over Spurs like an Essex girl round a footballers appendage at 3.0 at Paddy Power.